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Last month, i went to the convention in Orlando alone for the very first time. I was very nervous because i thought i wouldn't know what to expect. Last time I flew to ditroit, i did not fly alone, but i flew with a group of college students involved in the college leadership program. So, when i flew to detroit at least everyone else was relieved because i was going to be ok. I went to the first national convention there because i won a scholarship destined to pay for college due to my good grades and participation with the federation for the blind. I had a lot of fun there and met a lot of people. this was 2 years ago but at least that was a pretty pleasant experience. But this year, i had no choice but to fly alone to Orlando because i really was dying to go to another national convention. This time it was in a very nice resort called Rosen-shingle Creek. The hotel was very big and it felt as i were in a 5 star hotel because it had plenty of luxuries. It had 4 outdoor swimming pools and 2 hot tubs. Speaking of which, it was my very first time going into a hot tub. What a beautiful feeling of relaxation that was so peaceful. it felt like i was wrapped in a very warm blanket and on a waterbed. I went in one of those because after walking so much in the hotel since the place was so enormous, my feet were in so much pain. guys, it's not because of the shoes because they were comfortable walking shoes. I think it's because i lost the habit of walking since i'm in the house the majority of the time. I don't have the stamina for walking like i used to when i was in college. Thanks to being in the house most of the time since there's really nothing much to do around here except empty houses and businesses that were once good to walk around to being closed due to the economy in shreads. as far as the empty houses, many people are moving out due to high taxes and the fact that most of them are in the process of foreclosure. anyway, the convention was very nice and more than 4000 blind people and families across the US went to the great gathering at the resort. We had some meetings about the different topics such as safety for people with disabilities, resolutions in terms of accessible books and materials for students, accessibility of appliences, equal employment, etc Before those meetings, there were sponsors who had exhibits for appliances that are geared towards visual impairments such as clocks, cookware, computers, braille displays which i desperately need one because i study better when i read braille seriously. I understand the material better when i can feel it in braille, i don't know why? But i have a theory which states that when blind people feel the materials including words, they tend to understand what they are reading better and thus the brain is able to absorb information much more efficiently rather than only learning through hearing alone. If you read braille in combination with an audio sourse of output, then you study much more efficiently. At least i think it works for me. Do any of you have any input as far as that goes? Think of that as a computer that requires a stylus to interact with one another. If the computer does not have a stylus like those tablet computers, then it won't work as well unless you use your fingers to touch or write on the screen. Same goes for the iphone. so when i read something in braille, i can process more information if it's supplemented by an audio sorce such as a computer screen reader. Even though i don't have a braille display, i can still study pretty good, but it is especially necessary for math courses in general. Without braille in math, you have problems because you can't visualize the equations unless you're doing simple addition, subtraction, multiplication, or division. I think that was one of the reasons why i did not do as well as i wanted in math because of the lack of braille since my counselor refused to get me the book in braille or the braille display. Those were some of the topics discussed at the convention at the general assembly meeting. Mom wanted to go with me to Orlando, but i said well you could participate too, but couldn't because of stuff she had to get done. the convention was fun and i even went swimming too. but the last day was stressful because at the checkout line i had to wait a long time since one of my roomates tried to charge me a lot for the stuff she consumed which added up to about 300$ and i said that i never ate at those places. I called my roomate and she lied and said oh, i didn't put any charges. but she wanted to charge me the incidentals to my room and i got pretty upset because i don't want to pay for something i never even consumed. So i asked what are all the places that have been charged and the person at the front desk told me all the restaurants she ate at for the week including some sport bars she went to. I argued and stated that i never even knew those places and they sound unfamiliar and that i haven't even eaten there at alll. I ate at those places where food was pretty reasonable in price but i never put any of that towards the room. Thank god i never gave them my credit card on the first day because i decided that i will pay for my portion at the end of the week with my card.

the cost of designer purses

I have gotten most of the handbags as gifts for my birthdays or christmas by family. I have like 5 coach handbags, 1 vera Bradley handbag, 1 juicy couture handbag, and 1 bebe handbag. that's all for designer stuff. the rest are just regular bags which I only have like 3 or 4 because 2 of them mom gave them to me since she didn't want them anymore. The rest I got it at regular department stores. I would never spend over 100 on a handbag. That is just way out there in my own opinion. If the bag is like over $200 I won't buy it unless it's a real functional and high quality bag like for a high end job where you have to look professional. I'd only do that if I worked at the United nations and made a big salary there. It is not necessary to spend big bucks on a purse unless you are going to a big high-end formal event where you have to really dress up formal. Well, I had one of those and I really needed a handbag for my business suit which can really make me look the part and all put together because I had a big networking conference at the United nations for the School of Diplomacy at Seton Hall where we all ended up meeting with the ambassadors at a very fancy luncheon we were invited to by the staff as part of the meeting.
The only time I did spend over what I should have which I felt  self-conscious is this ≈ very functional medium-sized coach purse which was the ideal bag for interviews and professional attire according to my standards of organization. I loved how you can have all that you need and still look very nice. That cost a bit over what I anticipated, but the bag had 6 division pockets where you can put a lot of stuff without overcrowding the bag. It was like one of those accordion handbags that expands and it had a flap with a buckle closure which was ideal because I love the organization and all of the pockets. I feel that I shouldn't have payed full retail price at a department store, but it was so worth it for my needs; but for every day, no, that bag is too pretty for every day. The handle and finish is made of Suede and can easily get dirty if not handled properly + it is pretty tough to get stains out of suede, especially dirt.  But the craziest thing i spent on was getting the  wallet that cost like $90 at Macys and it was a very small mini wallet. I saw the same wallet at the outlet for like $38 and was the exact same authentic one, darn it. What was I thinking? Well I thought I needed a matching wallet anyway. Well, the thing was mostly because the sail's lady was very pushy too, that's also why I think I caved in on there. That's why I don't really like pushy sails people. If I could go back I would have gone to the outlets instead for a better deal on the same handbag and wallet if so desired. I am not a fan of paying full price for designer handbags and don't like fakes either because they often don't have good quality standards unless you get one that is so perfect and matches with the authentic bag, but that's once in a blue moon. do you all agree?

my little getaway

I finally got the chance to stay 2 weeks at my friend's house in Massachusetts. Her house was a very nice house and has a big property. The last time I went was on easter break when she invited me over to spend easter and we ate out for dinner with her grandfather at a chinese restaurant. I get to become spoiled by her since I get to buy some cool stuff and bring home some nice stuff for my mom since most of the cool stores I don't have in New jersey + when you buy stuff at the outlets you pay taxes if you go to Flemington where all the outlets are since they are in upstate New York. At least in wrentam you can buy stuff and don't have to spend as much for the name brands and you don't pay taxes. Another thing I get to do is spend time overindulging myself with the sugary and fattening foods and eating all the whipped cream I want. Also I can spend time drinking Frappuccino and getting the caffeinated buzz. As i'm speaking i'm drinking a frapp myself and it's nice and cold just how I like it. This week I bought some stuff that mom needed in addition to some other essentials necessary. Friday I spent time with friends and we went to Newport to spend the day walking around and shopping although I bought a couple pieces of jewelry since i'm going to go to a wedding soon. We went to this shop to look at dresses and we saw this very beautiful dress that is pale purple and I so wanted it because I thought it was the perfect dress for the wedding I was going to, but unfortunately it was over $200. I then said, "Oh bummer, I wish I could have been a millionaire." It was even my size as well, size 0, although give or take i'd have to get the chest part taken in a little bit but so be it, I can just wear it. I like the fact that you don't need a bra underneath the dress since it's already included in because it's strapless. I like that actually. I just need a cardigan to top off the look and then i'm all set. Now the problem is finding a good cardigan that I can wear with this satin reddish pinkish dress and it has flowers on the chest and part of the shoulder straps and it's flowy. and I have the shoes that came with it. I also need a suggestion for the kind of handbag I should wear since I don't have any evening handbags except this black handbag that has a little bow and is kind of flashy and has rhinestones on the sides and is very shiny too. I got it like a year ago and haven't used it and I like it. Well, I haven't had any evening formals or weddings to go to. It's my second wedding since the age of 12 when one of my cousins had to get married. The ceremony will be at Seton hall where I attended college since the university has a chapel and some people decide to get married there. I'm very excited to see her get married. But on the other hand I feel like I haven't even done enough really it's as if I hadn't grown up because of the fact I never had any boys or have even done any of the typical teen infatuation scenarios. Then we went to eat at this place called Red Parrot where they have some very good food and drinks. I had Scallop and shrimp scampi served with linguini pasta. I also drank an Oreo mudslide which is like a milkshake with a bunch of ice-cream and whipped cream and Oreo cookies. That's heavy duty diabetes in a cup guys. Its like a diabetic coma for those who are very sensitive to sugar.

Warning, this mudslide is not apt for diabetics or those who have insulin sensitivity. Consult your doctor to check for any pancreatic related diseases which can be detected by a simple blood test. Always consult your doctor to make sure the oreo mudslide is right for you. Side effects may include hyperactivity, lack of concentration, a feeling of extreme excitement, addiction to sweets, and weight gain.
Next week we're going to have a BBQ for memorial day with part of her family this comming monday which is also my brother's birthday. but my brother's going to be with his friends for his 21st birthday. Mom won't really do much either for memorial day since my uncle works and both my brother and mom are alone anyway. + i get too bored at home, but i wish i were younger again. At least when i was young I had a lot more things to look forward then i do now as an adult. Oh bummer it sucks sometimes. All i sometimes look forward is to frustration and more frustration.

The right of passage

as far as growing up. i've been so darn slow. I was done with the fits of tantrums at age 14, pretty embarrassing.
wearing deodorant, age 14, not to mention the physical stuff.
Carrying a purse at age 18. I started putting makeup but not regularly at age 21.
shaving, well this is so funny but i started shaving my legs when i was 20 seriously. Shaving underarms, well that was at age 14 for hygene reasons.
Getting my first wisdom tooth, age 21, That did hurt like hell when i started getting it at the bottom. Everyone had their wisdom teeth at age 17, even my brother had his earlier.
I guess i was the last in the list of hand me downs for genetics.
Staying at a college dorm, age 19.5 almost 20 because dad didn't allow me to stay at a dorm before then.
Sleeping over, well i slept over at day camps but never at friend's houses until age 21 when i met my best friend from college.
I still haven't started dating not yet on that one.
As far as coloring my hair, i'll have to wait until age 60 or so.
Drinking and stuff, well i had a taste of that at 21 on my birthday with friends but only a sip. it did feel weird since i am not used to the taste of alcohol.
As far as having a mixed drink which is indeed a real drink, that was at a convention with a group of friends at age 22 when my order was mixed up with one of my other friends because of the dumb bartender. It was a strawberry mixed drink, enough to make me a bit dizzy upon standing, well because it doesn't take a lot for a small person to get all woozy. Guys, i did not get drunk, i only got dizzy and lightheaded that's all.
Driving, i can't anyway because i'm as blind as a bat, but i did receive my state ID at age 20 when i was supposed to receive it on my 18 birthday.
Why? it's a long story, but in other words, it's because the people who were supposed to help me send the papers were too damn lazy.
Paying some of my own bills and what not, age 21
Getting a credit card, age 21 but it's not a real american express credit card, it's a Macys card. i want an Amex card for once, then I would say i'm proud to get a credit card for real. Well i'll just have to wait until i receive the offer at age 30 then lol.
My dad is at fault for sheltering me way too much since i'm the only girl.
This is why mom always argued.
If it weren't for my guidance counselor at the support services in college i would have never experience living at a dorm. Thus it would be too shocking for me if i started living on my own without the transition.

Forever young

I see where you're coming from. I often get carried away from adults as to the fact that i look very young. Primarily because I certainly don't fit the womanly category which consists of a women who's over 5 ft tall and weighs over 110 pounds. and the woman who certainly has pronounced baggage in the right places. I certainly don't fit that category. and yet i get kicked out of the casino for simply revealing my ID because they think it's fake, sorry folks. I'm 24 years old and 4 ft 11.5 last time i checked give or take half an inch. just because i have an A cup and weigh less than 100 pounds dependingon the day that doesn't mean i'm born to be treated any inferior. i cannot tell you how many times i've been treated as if i were a young teenager running away to get attention especially when i did my internships during college. I remember instances where i was asked where my parents were and was told to call them because they needed to speak with them so that i could be picked up simply because they were like "you're supposed to be in school not working" i remember 1 instance where i worked as a bilingual interpreter and one of the staff thought i was someone's daughter and was yelled at for bringing there young daughter to work and said "why does this kid belong here. You should have made sure she's in school. This is not national take your young daughters to work day, that is long gone. I then said "i work here don't you realize that? and they were like like well you should be taking summer classes or be in school what are you doing around here hanging around, you have no business here. Same thing happened when i interned for the senators at the newark offices, the supervisor went and called my parents and were starting to give them the talk of the importance of keeping their kids in school. and then mom was like oh, i thought she got interviewed to work here. So yeah i had many of those instances. i know that storry all too well.
I'm not sure about the days to come but all i know is that i'm getting several job offers from the federal government which is very nice. I applied to several jobs at the state department through the government website. I just hope i get the job because i need to start working, but on the other hand, i want to stay home longer and do nothing; you know how that goes. As for these couple weeks, I spent time with my friend who is currently staying at on campus at Seton Hall. We've been friends for quite a while now and we do a lot of things We spent the weekend hanging out at her dorm and went to NYC on sunday and spent the day altogether browsing the stores, shopping quite a bit and eating out as usual. Monday i was supposed to head back home and i almost cried when mom picked me up because i really didn't want to leave. Then my friend saw me about to get into tears and convinces my mom to come back another day because the weather was supposed to get really bad because of the big ice storm hitting New Jersey and other states. My friend almost cried too because she didn't want me to leave and i almost cried because i didn't want to leave to get home. I told mom to let me stay another night and then my other friend also pitched in because she was just stoppping by but mom seemed reluctant. Mom was like Yeah but she has to be home because i heard it's going to be bad out there," and my friends were like so what she can stay with us longer. Unfortunately my other friend had to leave because she had to take the bus home with her mom like a while after that. Then during the night we ordered pizza and we hung out in our dorm and talked and listened to music and met some other people. But i was starting to come down with a chest cold because i started to get a sore throat. The next day i had to get home because i was supposed to recieve tutoring for my GRE so that i can take it as soon as possible. By then i was coughing more and more and i had a sore throat that was getting more noticable. I felt like that for a couple more days until thursday i had the biggest coughing fit at like 5 in the morning when i woke up. Mom luckily slept through it but i felt miserable because my throat was so scratchy and sore. Strangely enough, I did not have a runny nose or fever maybe i might have had one during one of those nights but there's no way to prove that. But the runny nose, no, not at all. So the cold consisted of coughing a whole lot and sore throat. Let's not talk about the stuff brought up from coughing and coughing and coughing. Good thing i stayed home those days! I spent like this for like 1 week and now it's another problem, my ear is congested. My ear is fucking congested because of the remnence of this deal. My ear feels clogged up; i can still hear, but it feels like airy and all that crap. Basically my left ear feels as if someone stuck a plug partially in there or better yet filled it with water and it didn't drain out. Yesterday i decided to shower and my ear got totally blocked up. I felt freaked out because what will i do if i loose my hearing in that ear? How do i fix this? So i found a kit i got over the counter and called my uncle to help me put the wax removal liquid in and suction it with a bulblike syringe. it helped only a little bit, but still it was congested. I've been feeling this for like this past weak. How do i rid of this crap? I have no idea. The only thing i can really think of is going to the doctor. oh well at least things are looking good.

NO cable, this sucks

We were getting ready to celebrate new years eve at my aunt's house on thursday after buying stuff at the mall since my uncle had to send christmas gifts to ecuador. Everything went well and we ended up staying at my aunt's house for 3 days. Unfortunately my uncle only dropped us off since he couldn't stay at my aunt's because of his job at a restaurant which was mandatory for all workers to be there during new years. We all celebrated new year's eve and all my cousins were there But my little cousin Dannie decided to sneak up tubes of confetti by lying to my aunt saying that they are those ribbon things you where and throw after new year to celebrate and they are easy to clean up because they don't spread all over the place. My aunt bought like 4 of those confetti tubes unknowingly and mistakenly thought they were the ribbons that came in a similar tube which were sold in ecuador and looked like silly string. Little did we knew, that all the boys popped the tubes of confetti and it went all over the living room and furniture and even the dining room, my mom's hair, my cousins hair, and all over the place. My aunt got kind of mad and said "oh enough with these boys are just driving me nuts and being so sneaky." But then my older cousin said "well they're very excited so let it be, they're young and have a lot of energy. On saturday, my aunt called my uncle who unfortunately couldn't come to celebrate because his arthritis got very bad and couldn't even move not even to cook for himself. His arthritis affects both his feet and it becomes swollen and painful especially at the ankles. So, he stayed in bed all day because of his arthritis and only ate yogurt and bread because he couldn't even walk due to the pain. So, Humidity and cold weather trigers his arthritis especially since he works near the dishwashing room and is constantly wet and humid. I wished he came so he can celebrate with us the next day, but couldn't Other than that, my brother and cousins went out after new years to the movies along with my uncle George while i spent time with mom and my aunt and ate popcorn while watching the saturday show in spanish which was a comedy show.. then we came home on sunday afternoon, to find out that a note was sent to our mailbox stating that our cable has been cut off and that in order to connect we have to pay almost 200$ to activate the service again through direct tv. Mom's very mad at them because they charge her too much even for the basic channels. it's not like we order anything like movies or stuff like that. MOm said "oh i 'm not paying that much for reactivating the service, i'm sorry. so, we decided to switch to dish network and are in the process of doing so because direct tv charge us a big buck even for the basic service and local channels. If only things were easier for us.

my random fit of disbelief

. i want to convince mom so i can go to my best friend's house
i don't think she'll let me go after the near death experience on the train
but i don't care. i want to go anyway
and she needs to stop worrying about the whole ordeal. I  didn't die and that's what counts, so be it  Because i have a strong belief that it won't happen to me
nothing will happen to me.
i don't care, but i want to go on the train again. Other people were like if that happened to me i'd never go on a train again, but i'll go anyway. to visit providence
and to have evidence
of my visit
i don't care. but i want to go. i don't care but i'd really go anyway
i'm tough but oh well. Now it's up to mom to really give in to me going on board to providence. people should deal with their own business. I really hope my uncle can also pitch in, but he'll most definitely defend mom. Hello i'm blind but i want to do everything like you all are doing so so be it. lp.

A near death experience

i was coming home from christmas shopping on Saturday and as i was about to board the newark train, i loose my balance, slip and get half my body caught between the train and platform and it was about to leave. If i wasn't holding mom's arm, that would be the last christmas celebration with my family, and instead a funeral would have taken place.. The gap wasn't that wide, but i could have easily fallen through and gotten killed by the train or if not seriously injured. After the incident i was left with bruises on my arms, legs and ribs from the person who was about to board last literally pulling me out of the gap with full force That was the scariest day of my whole life. I ended up with a purple hand from the ordeal. I'm a blind person who depends on trains to go places, and this is happening? This is not right according to the standards set in regards to the limits posed on the width of the gaps. I think that the requirements should be revised by stating that gaps should be 1 to 2 inches wide so that these types of fatal incidents stop happening, and that all stations should be required to set up those platforms that go over the gaps that is normally used by people in wheelchairs not just as an accommodation, but as a general safety standard. A small person like myself could have easily gotten killed by falling through like a quarter inside a piggy bank with no escape. Well that's the curse for being so skinny. What an ordeal.

ug, everything is just so so.

Well this week i felt crabby because i've been noticing a slight sore throat that went on and off but i thought nothing f it because i said "well maybe it's because i need water and it's dry." but today after i came home i'm coughing a lot I had this slight soreness and irritation for 1 week but no colds. Wel, don't say i have strep! I don't have strep and if i did i'd have a 103 fever and look dead and prostrating. So this sore throat has been bothering me this week and i really don't think anything of it because i thought it's maybe alergies or something, but then again i'd have watery eyes and runny nose and such. But after i came home from the bridal shower i starg coughing a lot, and with an itchy throat. Jees, i am abut to loose my voice. Strangely enough, I don't have a runny nose or any congestion, it's all in my chest. It's just bothering me. I told mom and she said i might catch a bad cold of some sort. O jees, on top of the stress from my dad and all the problems he's causing, my vitamin D deficiency well that's not so much a problem, that's just a way to get you to take vitamins just for the doctors to earn money. But is it true if you are low on vitamin D your immune system goes out of wack? And also is it true that if you get colds you get worse? I don't know, but oh well. I guess i'm like this because it's cold and what not. and the weather is changing drastically. but other than that everything is all good.